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LYRICS TO

CHICKEN SUIT FOR THE LAWYER'S SOUL
BOB NOONE & The Well Hung Jury
Bob Noone in a chicken suit All applicable rights reserved. On parody lyrics and original songs of Robert Thomas Noone, rights reserved by LawSongs, Inc. of West Virginia.
BMI, publisher account for LawSongs, Inc. a WV corporation. 1999

Partial lyrics to the album listed below, if you desire any further lyrics, email us at bob@bobnoone.com

LAWSUIT RIOTWHY DON'T WE GET DRUNK & SUE
ONE HUNDRED HOURSMY LAWYER'S BACK
BLAME IT ON THE VIAGRAPROBATION POLKA
MY WILLEVERY MINUTE MUST GET BILLED
COVER OF THE A.B.A.SLEAZY SIDE
A.C.L.U.UPWARDLY MOBILE LOVE
BRING YOUR CASE HERE TO MEIMAGINE THERE'S NO LAWYERS


1. LAW SUIT RIOT

Who's that giving the first degree
Its two lawyers and I guarantee
They're out looking to recruit
members for a class action suit

Smoking causes cancer,
Penile implants just don't rise
and fen-phen aint the answer
when the girl don't exercise.

CHORUS:
It's a lawsuit riot, RIOT
You had best beware,
It's a lawsuit riot, RIOT
Meet me at the Courthouse square,
It's a lawsuit riot, RIOT
were you treated unfair
It's a lawsuit riot, RIOT
Meet me at the Courthouse square.

The veterinarian killed your cat
and your breast implants have just gone flat
your car is totaled and it's a shame
the insurance man denied your claim

resort to litigation
it's not what you wanna do,
direct solicitation,
asking you to sue . . . CHORUS

Back to TOP

2. 100 HOURS
[Parody of "500 Miles"]

If it's always busy on my phone,
then at least you'll know I'm home,
Cause I've been logged on line 100 hours.

My life was just fine
until America On-line
Gave me some free time for 100 hours

CHORUS:
100 hours, 100 hours,
100 hours, 100 hours,
I've been logged on line 100 hours

I ain't seen my friends for days
I don't shave and I don't bathe
Cause I've been logged on line 100 hours

I don't sleep and I don't eat
I just watch the cursor blink
Ain't been to work this week, and so I'm fired

CHORUS

World wide web, flash e mail
porno flicks and new pen pals
boy my life was stale before these hours.

My wife and kids done left the house
Still I can't let go of the mouse
I been logged on line 100 hours

CHORUS

Back to TOP

3. BLAME IT ON THE VIAGRA
[Parody of Blame it on the Bossa Nova - words by Paul McCusker]

Well the FDA, said we must test a pill
It could help you our, Sir
Want to try it B-ill
For the sake of science,
I said yes I would,
And I'm here to tell you ,
that pill worked mighty good.

She was a young intern,
wearing skirt so tight,
we were in the oval office,
it was late at night.
Sent the secret service down the hall
took a little pill and I'm standing tall
blame it on the VIAGRA, the drug of love

Then when we were thru,
and I was feeling fine,
and she said SIR
How 'bout one more time
I was feeling scared,
How could I perform,
Took another little pill
and I was back in presidential form.

Blame it on the VIAGRA
Oh it works so well,
blame it on the VIAGRA
it makes you feel so swell.
IT was just 10 miligrams,
but it turned me into a macho man,
Blame it on the viagra, the drug of love.

Then I sent her home,
and up the stairs I creep,
I found Hilary, In the bed asleep
took another pill
snuggled up real close
Oh my god, I think I need a stronger dose.

Back to TOP

4. MY WILL

I got sometime
before I pass away
have a nice portfolio
and an IRA

A large nest egg as you might quess
its recorded in my bequest, it's my will...

I've got so much money,
the relatives envy me
couldn't spend it in 2 lifetimes,
maybe three

I guess it's understood
why my family treats me so good, ..it's my will...

Instrumental

The kids treat me nice
call twice a day
I'm on the board of Directors
of the United Way

They're so kind and you ask why,
They can't wait until I die
For my will...

Back to TOP

5. COVER OF THE A.B.A.

I'm a big time lawyer,
I'll sue anyone for you
I'm on the TV everyday,
I get such elation
Suing big corporations
The Judge always rules my way...
My firm has 10 paralegos
who make my cappuccino
My firm decorator is Gay

And I keep winning every case,
But I can get my face on the cover of the ABA

CHORUS:
A.B.A. - the journal of the legal profession
A.B.A. - if would give my firm a good impression
A.B.A. - gonna see my pin stripped suit

I got new secretary
she is extraordinary
a former miss America Queen
She doesn't have an education,
but she knows how to take dictation,
If you know what I mean.
I make big contributions
for political solutions
The IRS won't look my way,
But it is so dam disgracin'
When I can't get may face on... the cover of the ABA

CHORUS

SOLO: Perry Mason

I got a million clients,
that think I'm a legal giant,
I don't even advertise anymore,
I got so much respect
I don't chase wrecks
The ambulance brings'em to my door
And although I'm rich and famous
but I'm just an ignoramus
my emotions are in a fray
I'm successful, but despite this
I can't get my likeness
On the cover of the ABA

CHORUS